Navigating Difficult Conversations: Addressing a Team Member's Poor Attitude

Having a conversation about a team member's poor attitude can be one of the more challenging aspects of people leadership. It’s common for the leaders I work with to avoid or put off conversations about attitudes that are undermining team morale, productivity or performance.  

Essential steps to engaging in these types of conversations well include these:  

Choose the Right Setting 

Opt for a private space where the team member feels safe and is more likely to be receptive. Avoid public confrontations, as they can exacerbate the situation and harm the individual's dignity.  Also, keep in mind that any behaviour that any reasonable person would find humiliating is bullying.   

Be Prepared 

Before the conversation, gather specific examples of the problematic attitude or behavior you want to address. Ensure that your feedback is concrete and actionable, rather than vague or subjective. 

Start Positively 

Open the conversation with some positive observations about the team member's contributions or strengths. This helps in setting a constructive tone and shows that you value them, making the subsequent feedback easier to digest. 

Use "I" Statements 

Frame your observations and feelings using "I" statements, such as "I've observed" or "I feel", as opposed to saying “you”.   This avoids sounding accusatory and positions the conversation as a sharing of perceptions rather than laying blame. 

Be Specific and Factual 

Detail the specific behaviors or instances that exemplified the poor attitude. Avoid generalized statements like "you always" or "you never." Stick to the facts and avoid getting emotional. 

Listen Actively 

After sharing your observations, give the team member an opportunity to speak. Listen to their side of the story without interrupting. There might be underlying issues or personal challenges influencing their behavior that are at least worth being aware of.  Those circumstances may not excuse poor attitudes, but understanding what is going on with them, allows you to demonstrate empathy.   

Seek Solutions Together 

The aim of the conversation should be resolution and improvement, not blame. Collaboratively brainstorm ways the team member can address the problematic behavior. This could involve further training, mentoring or resources to help them manage their mindsets and emotions. 

Set Clear Expectations 

After discussing solutions, set clear expectations for future behavior. It's essential that the team member understands what's expected of them moving forward. 

Schedule a Follow-up 

Arrange a follow-up meeting to review progress and discuss any improvements or ongoing concerns. This shows the team member that you're invested in their growth and are keen to see them succeed. 

End on a Positive Note 

Conclude the conversation by reiterating your belief in the team member's ability to change and contribute positively. Highlight their strengths and express hope for a productive future. 

Remember, everyone has off days or phases where their attitude might not be at its best. The goal of this conversation is not to chastise, but to understand, support and guide the team member towards a more constructive mindset. By approaching the situation with empathy, clarity and a genuine desire to help, you can turn a challenging conversation into an opportunity for growth.